The Time I Peed My Pants

I thought that might get your attention;)! So I was starting to feel that with my “lack of content, tips, etc” that I wasn’t looking like a real runner….I thought I would share this story with you all so that you can see how truly hard core I am…lol! And it goes a little sumthin’ like this…..(I’ve been listening to Run DMC, remember???)

It was a lovely day in April 2008, however, the day before was not so lovely. Family crap (for another blog) but it caused some stress and tears….and derailed my original plan. Celest and I were supposed go down to Salina (less than 2 hrs away) where my folks live(ha,ha…folks)…the nearby city of Gunnison was hosting a half marathon. Well due to my family crisis…(insert sarcasm) I told Celest not to come and figured I wouldn’t run it either, besides it was windy and I do NOT do wind.

Well, I woke the next morning feeling renewed and tough and it was calm as can be outside. You can do this Martie!! So I had a hot cup of coffee, something I never do before a race, but I cannot resist my mom’s french pressed coffee…de-light-ful:). I was feeling good! My mom drove me to the race, dropped me off at the bus pickup with the other 14 people.. Lol!!! Our mini van pulled up shortly after and we were off to drive to the start of our race….this was going to be entertaining!!!

Fast forward to the start of the race…I listened intently for fear that I would miss the “on your marks get set….” But the man pulled out his rifle, aimed it at the sky…..just kidding!! He had a pistol, this is Utah and people LOVE their guns here!!

I was already in 3rd by a long shot….1st was some crazy racing dude in all black spandex… Sweet! I will certainly place, maybe even be first woman! 2 miles in…I dressed waaayyy too warm! What was I thinking???? To top it off, I pinned my number on the front of my vest…dumb move Martie! So, I had to actually stop to undress…I have never even stopped to use a port- a-potty!!! So I unpinned my number (all 4 ****ing safety pins), unzipped my vest, took off my long sleeved half-zip mock turtleneck, but first had to undo my big fat running watch from my sleeve…. Now that everything was off, I had to reattach my number and put my big fat Garmin back on!!! What a dumb, dumb, dumb waste of a good 2 minutes!!! Let it go, let it go!!

Ok, I am back, and still in 3rd. Phew!!! About 3 miles in and this course sure is hilly…no wonder they didn’t show a map or elevation chart pre-race….so I am doing great…put yesterday’s stress aside, got over my 2 minute wardrobe change…when all of a sudden I have to pee! WTF???

The next mile or so I spent thinking about my options…there are no port-a-pottys until mile 6, I could pop a squat…but again the damn clothing(compression tights)….wait a second…I am wearing compression tights…first of all they are a biotch to take off, like pantyhose or better yet, Spanx!!! They would waste at least one more minute….ugh!!!

Compression tights are also Highly Absorbant!!!! Maybe I could just pee my pants and it or rather I:) will be dry in like 30 seconds!!! And besides, it probably will only be a few drip drops, who cares. No one will see or notice and I don’t think anyone could smell it over their own sweaty, foul smell??? Ok I am gonna do it!! Just do it Martie!!! Stage fright???? Come on let go….and I did. I peed my pants in compression tights while running an 8 minute mile!! I gotta say, I was kind of impressed with myself;)! Way to go Martie , way to pee your pants!!! What is wrong with me?!?!

So that little tinkle…was not so little. And neither was that cup of coffee I drank before the race…OMG!!

I ran another mile or 2 evaluating myself wondering if I was insane or maybe needed to talk to a professional about it….;) After I dried off, I was pretty much over it and just wanted to finish this damn race! I began contemplating if I would tell anyone…I don’t keep a whole lot to myself and it is a pretty good story, even at my expense.
My whole family was waiting at the finish line, mom, dad, brothers and all! To tell or not to tell??? What if I smelled like urine??? So I figured I would just “be honest and forthright and gross.” Guess what I did???? My brothers told me how disgusting I was, my dad pretended not to hear ( I saw your face dad, your pretty little girl just peed her pants on purpose in public!!!), and my mom just kept saying “you peed your pants?”

Yep I peed my pants and all I got was this ugly brass and pink 1st place Women’s trophy! And I was now the fast chic in the neighborhood who “peed her pants on purpose!” R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!! Lol…I am a weirdo! Goodnight!

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16 Responses to The Time I Peed My Pants

  1. Shari says:

    I think more than one of us have peed our pants. But I will not name names. I will let her do that herself!!! I also believe more than one of us have done more than pee! LOL!!! Go team SharMar/Shartie!!!

    • Martie Tamashiro says:

      Thanks for being such a great team player!!! Only one of us is actually bragging about it;)!!! Anything for a “good story”…shameless!

  2. Celest says:

    Wow!!! You crack me up! Your header definitely caught my attention! I’m glad that you have not only shared that story with your family, friends and neighbours but that its now on your blog!!! I love it and it cracks me up! I’m glad that your willing to put it all out there. That’s what makes you awesome! By the way… I think your delivery is perfect too! Way to be hard core! :-)

    • Martie Tamashiro says:

      I am sooo glad you enjoyed the delivery..I really wanted the reader to feel like they were there, like they were about to pee their pants too!!! I hope I am empowering others to share their stories, to let go of all their pride and be at one with nature… I am delirious, can you tell? Gotta love all nighters?!? Except they used to be way cooler and fun…up all night with a 4 year old is not really one to reminisce about. Speaking of four year olds, I sure am glad I am documenting this for Grace;)!

  3. melissa jacobsen says:

    loved it Martie! I remember that day! I don’t think waylon has ever gotten over it. Love the blog, keep it up!!! Love ya!

    • Martie Tamashiro says:

      So glad it is embedded in your memory and haunting Waylon!!! Lol! I hope I have not scared him away from cheering me on at future races;)!

  4. Alyssa Rowles says:

    :) If only my peeing was intentional after 4 kids I’m screwed!!!

    • Martie Tamashiro says:

      Ya….Depends are not too far off;)… They need to change the commercial from an elderly woman to a young mom with kids..lol!

  5. Liz Cisneros says:

    I thought it was part of running to go to the bathroom in your pants!!!! I always do, I have gotten to the point of at ‘ at least it isn’t ‘shit’, oh sorry, ‘poop’!! I don’t think I could run any distance without a bit of urination, haha. Who cares, right?

    • Martie Tamashiro says:

      Wow, thanks for being so honest!!! Luckily I haven’t crapped myself…yet;)….maybe you need to work on your kegels…lol!
      I hear Bikhram is great for that!

  6. Donna says:

    We were right there with you, Martie- from the steaming coffee to the warm ooze! Reminds me of watching the London Marathon (on TV) a few years back when front-runner Paula Radcliffe squatted in the drainage ditch to ‘have a wee’ and the cameras didn’t know what she was doing at first. Thinking she was injured they shot in for closeups, then quickly (and out of either shock or respect) pulled back. But it sure raised a good discussion about how one handles such issues in the glaring light of the probing public. At least you were spared that!

    • Martie Tamashiro says:

      Hey DKB!!! Soooo great to see you on here! I am having an absolute blast with it!! Bummed I missed that Paula Radcliffe footage, I will definitely do a YouTube search on that one:)! How are you???? What are you working on??? You ladies (Kimberly and Cara, too) were such an inspiration to me and such a delight to meet! Can’t wait to meet again!

  7. Sarah Bennett says:

    Ditto to your friend. I think that all runners have to have this experience at some point. But only runners could ever ever even try to understand. Thanks for putting it ALL out there!

  8. waylon jacobsen says:

    I still laugh about it when i think about it, but it shows the dedication that u have and we are all proud of u!!! P.S watch out for the shart!!

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