I thought that might get your attention;)! So I was starting to feel that with my “lack of content, tips, etc” that I wasn’t looking like a real runner….I thought I would share this story with you all so that you can see how truly hard core I am…lol! And it goes a little sumthin’ like this…..(I’ve been listening to Run DMC, remember???)
It was a lovely day in April 2008, however, the day before was not so lovely. Family crap (for another blog) but it caused some stress and tears….and derailed my original plan. Celest and I were supposed go down to Salina (less than 2 hrs away) where my folks live(ha,ha…folks)…the nearby city of Gunnison was hosting a half marathon. Well due to my family crisis…(insert sarcasm) I told Celest not to come and figured I wouldn’t run it either, besides it was windy and I do NOT do wind.
Well, I woke the next morning feeling renewed and tough and it was calm as can be outside. You can do this Martie!! So I had a hot cup of coffee, something I never do before a race, but I cannot resist my mom’s french pressed coffee…de-light-ful:). I was feeling good! My mom drove me to the race, dropped me off at the bus pickup with the other 14 people.. Lol!!! Our mini van pulled up shortly after and we were off to drive to the start of our race….this was going to be entertaining!!!
Fast forward to the start of the race…I listened intently for fear that I would miss the “on your marks get set….” But the man pulled out his rifle, aimed it at the sky…..just kidding!! He had a pistol, this is Utah and people LOVE their guns here!!
I was already in 3rd by a long shot….1st was some crazy racing dude in all black spandex… Sweet! I will certainly place, maybe even be first woman! 2 miles in…I dressed waaayyy too warm! What was I thinking???? To top it off, I pinned my number on the front of my vest…dumb move Martie! So, I had to actually stop to undress…I have never even stopped to use a port- a-potty!!! So I unpinned my number (all 4 ****ing safety pins), unzipped my vest, took off my long sleeved half-zip mock turtleneck, but first had to undo my big fat running watch from my sleeve…. Now that everything was off, I had to reattach my number and put my big fat Garmin back on!!! What a dumb, dumb, dumb waste of a good 2 minutes!!! Let it go, let it go!!
Ok, I am back, and still in 3rd. Phew!!! About 3 miles in and this course sure is hilly…no wonder they didn’t show a map or elevation chart pre-race….so I am doing great…put yesterday’s stress aside, got over my 2 minute wardrobe change…when all of a sudden I have to pee! WTF???
The next mile or so I spent thinking about my options…there are no port-a-pottys until mile 6, I could pop a squat…but again the damn clothing(compression tights)….wait a second…I am wearing compression tights…first of all they are a biotch to take off, like pantyhose or better yet, Spanx!!! They would waste at least one more minute….ugh!!!
Compression tights are also Highly Absorbant!!!! Maybe I could just pee my pants and it or rather I:) will be dry in like 30 seconds!!! And besides, it probably will only be a few drip drops, who cares. No one will see or notice and I don’t think anyone could smell it over their own sweaty, foul smell??? Ok I am gonna do it!! Just do it Martie!!! Stage fright???? Come on let go….and I did. I peed my pants in compression tights while running an 8 minute mile!! I gotta say, I was kind of impressed with myself;)! Way to go Martie , way to pee your pants!!! What is wrong with me?!?!
So that little tinkle…was not so little. And neither was that cup of coffee I drank before the race…OMG!!
I ran another mile or 2 evaluating myself wondering if I was insane or maybe needed to talk to a professional about it….;) After I dried off, I was pretty much over it and just wanted to finish this damn race! I began contemplating if I would tell anyone…I don’t keep a whole lot to myself and it is a pretty good story, even at my expense.
My whole family was waiting at the finish line, mom, dad, brothers and all! To tell or not to tell??? What if I smelled like urine??? So I figured I would just “be honest and forthright and gross.” Guess what I did???? My brothers told me how disgusting I was, my dad pretended not to hear ( I saw your face dad, your pretty little girl just peed her pants on purpose in public!!!), and my mom just kept saying “you peed your pants?”
Yep I peed my pants and all I got was this ugly brass and pink 1st place Women’s trophy! And I was now the fast chic in the neighborhood who “peed her pants on purpose!” R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!! Lol…I am a weirdo! Goodnight!